Ain't This the Life
by the midnight rhapsody
Summary: Half-drunken Super Shenanigans are totally not funny, right? Yeah, actually, they're a little bit hilarious, as Team Flash will soon realize. Raise your beakers high and toast to friendships that are gonna last.


Just a cute little oneshot about Experiment Day at S.T.A.R. Labs. Because Team Flash is adorable. Keep in mind that when I'm drunk, I basically become a Vulcan (my endeavor to act like a normal human instead of a hyper-rational robot flies out the window as soon as I'm chemically compromised), losing my ability to use contractions, forgetting all the colloquialisms I have memorized, and becoming analytical to the extreme. Real example: "I cannot continue dancing; the parameters have changed! I must examine this new pattern!" I don't know how it feels for a normal person to be inebriated, but I've done my best.

ALSO: I always imagine that as the Flash, Barry has racing thoughts. I've tried to capture the feeling of that here.

**I don't own the Flash.** Sure, I do have a copy of every issue of the Flash, but intellectual rights are definitely not mine.

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**Ain't This the Life**

There's a disturbing trend you've been noticing about Doctor Wells, and the more you think about it, the more you wonder why you didn't see it before. Why Caitlin and Cisco didn't see it before. It's so obvious now, and finally, you just say it out loud because you need to know whether you're just crazy or this is a real thing.

"I think," you say, "Dr. Wells hides in the shadows of the hallway waiting until the opportune moment to roll in here, say something interesting, and roll away again."

"Dude," says Cisco, looking at you like you've just solved world hunger, which – actually, with your speed, you could probably make special deliveries all over the globe like a creepy Food Santa, but no matter where you start, that's never going to be a logical progression of events, and seriously, Barry, focus.

"Barry." Caitlin always uses that tone with you when she's annoyed.

"Insensitive. That was insensitive, right? I'm sorry, it's just something I noticed. Don't tell me you haven't noticed that."

"Why didn't I _see it _before," Cisco says, mostly to himself, which is good because you can't actually answer that question and you suspect Caitlin is more likely to give him a stern lecture than offer a decent response.

"Because it's not true," says Caitlin, putting her little hands on her hips and looking less like a colleague and more like an irritated babysitter. "Dr. Wells just…has…good timing."

"It's his superpower," you stage-whisper, and it's not actually your fault, because it's Experiment Day at the lab which means the Good Doctor and the Mad Engineer are doing their damnedest to get you utterly smashed. This one's almost…kind of good.

Your teeth feel funny. Or maybe it's your lips. Yeah, it's your lips. They're numb, and they're rubbing against your teeth, and that's what's making your teeth feel funny. Your brain kind of feels like there's a hole in it, actually, like a –

"No way," you breathe, trying to hold onto the feeling, but…well, it's fading now. Lasted about forty seconds, though, which is a new record.

"What _now, _Barry?"

"You're not nearly as irritable as you pretend." You shake your head vigorously and fight to stop from just vibrating right off the table. So maybe this week's experiment worked a little better than you thought. "No. That's not it. I was just thinking. This? Feels like I had my brains smashed in by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick. _You made me a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster."_

"We did _not," _says Caitlin, sounding offended.

"We so did," Cisco retorts, giving you an all-teeth grin that would probably look intimidating on, well, anybody else. He's too adorable for his own good sometimes, like a little corn snake or…no, no. Corn snakes can't build things. Duh.

All of a sudden, the hole in your brain is completely healed and you don't have stars in your eyes and comparing Cisco to a cute orange snake only seems weird instead of crazy, and only because you've never really considered snakes cute before, but they totally are now that you think about it, and that's not the point. You sigh. "Damn, it's gone again. Well, it was good while it lasted."

"Maybe next week."

Except there's really no reason for you to _get _drunk, is there? You don't have to numb anything when you've got friends who care. A bigger family. You frown thoughtfully at Cisco, who – despite the somewhat rocky start – is shaping up to be a pretty killer friend after all, and not in the murderous kind of way but in the actually good kind of way. "Maybe not. Alcohol makes me stupid. Better save it for major surgery so I don't develop a tolerance."

"That's not how that works," snaps Dr. Snow, at the same time that Dr. Wells rolls in and says, "I couldn't agree more, Barry."

You and Cisco look at each other and grin, and you're not even remotely addled by alcohol anymore, but that's okay. You're a superhero and you've got a real circle of friends, neither of which were true before you got struck by lightning, and both of which totally make up for the whole metabolizes-alcohol-way-too-quickly problem.

"You have perfect timing, Dr. Wells," you say, looking in Caitlin's direction. She seems to be staring much too intently at her screen, steadfastly trying to pretend you don't exist. Aww. "You always do. It's almost like you have superpowers yourself."

"Yes, Barry, I have superpowers that include knowing precisely what is going to happen when and just _happening _to show up at the right time," Dr. Wells replies dryly. "I'm also able to be in two places at once."

"Hey," says Cisco, pointing at you in that way he does when he's just gotten a really cool idea that Caitlin will probably hate, "I wonder if you could do that!"

"It would solve the Batman conundrum," you reply, and you're actually kind of excited to try that sometime, but not right now. Maybe when you and Cisco have the lab and the two Disapproving Doctors are, well, elsewhere. You're almost certain they'd consider it 'fooling around' instead of 'training.'

Looking like she'd rather do anything else, Caitlin asks, "What's the Batman conundrum?"

"Do you ever see Bruce Wayne and Batman in the same room? How do you know he's _not _Batman?"

"Don't even joke," she says, lips pinched. "He is _not _the type."

"Neither is Oliver Queen," says Cisco, continuing in the grand tradition of being supremely unhelpful.

You wave your hands. "But that's the point. No matter how remote the possibility that gawky lab geek Barry Allen and the super cool Flash are the same person, it's still _possible _if I'm always disappearing when the Flash shows up. We could get a bunch of people to see Barry Allen and the Flash in the same room together; rock solid alibi. Also a really neat party trick, _but only we would get why it's funny."_

"You really need to not think about bringing the Flash to parties," she says, instead of indulging you.

"But then who _can _I bring? Let's face it, Caitlin, nobody wants to date Barry Allen, chronically tardy CSI. Nobody _can_ date the Flash, super-speedy superhero. We're perfect for each other."

The noise she makes is part rage and part sorrow and for a second, you're sure she's going to reach over the table and…well, something. It's just a little tightening in her eyes, but poor Dr. Snow is so reserved all the time, and she really just kind of needs to get laid or something, but you'd rather not get dead, so you won't say that to her face. Or behind her back. Or at all, ever.

Dr. Wells rolls away, clearly done with the stupidity, and this is your life now. And maybe it's getting to be something a little bit great.


End file.
